Which One's The Real Doctor Now?

Mention the word 'witchdoctor' and most of us will probably get mental images of a dark brown leathery skinned, long-bearded middle aged man with wisps of long white hair flowing about his face incessantly and wearing a necklace made out of fish bones. That picture might have been applicable if you were still living in, say, the 16th century, but witchdoctors nowadays are an awfully modern lot who look like every other avergae Joe, so much so that they blend right in with the crowd. In fact, most of the time, you'd have a pretty tough time differentiating a modern witchdoctor from one of those fruit-sellers you see at night markets.

The reason why I am talking about witchdoctors is because I had the splendid honour of coming across one at Friday prayers today. I kid you not, dear readers. I was standing right next to a real, living, breathing witchdoctor at 1.17 p.m. today. And the best part of it all? He was holding a demonstration of his wares.

Apparently the witchdoctor had with him a plant so mysterious that he would only call it by the name 'Pokok Mati Hidup Semula'. The name already drew a few brave speculations as to what it could do among my bedazzled friends, but I was more interested in what the witchdoctor had to say.

"Hah, abang mari mari mari..pokok mati hidup semula ni mujarab untuk semua jenis penyakit. Siapa-siapa yang ada gout, darah tinggi, kolestrol semua boleh sembuh lepas minum air yang dah direbus dengan pokok ni. Tak ada ubat yang boleh hilangkan semua penyakit kecuali pokok mati hidup semula. Abang pegi la kat doktor untuk rawat gout abang, dia akan cucuk abang dan kenakan bayaran RM60. Lepas tu, dia akan kata abang tak boleh dah makan udang, ketam, kacang tanah. Tidak dengan ubat ni. Abang amalkan minum dua gelas sehari, InsyaAllah dengan kuasa Allah, abang akan sembuh. Kalau ada yang tak percaya, boleh cuba minum segelas sekarang dan InsyaAllah dengan izin Tuhan, abang memang akan rasa kelainan dia lepas habis sembahyang Jumaat".

I couldn't believe my ears! Finally, a cure-all that will save mankind bucketfuls of money on medication that needs to be taken more times in a day than you would pass wind! Doctors can at last chuck their diagnostic tools out of the window and retire for good! And while they're at it, why not burn down hospitals and build theme parks in their place? Thank goodness for the witchdoctor and his Back-From-The-Dead Plant!

Needless to say, I was outraged by all the bull this witchdoctor was continuously churning out of his wretched mouth. My friends, having come round to their senses, also shared my sentiments. In our minds, we were all toying with individual ideas of how best to give him an honest-to-God butt busting.

But that's still not the best part. Oh, definitely not. One of my friends went up to him and asked "Ubat ni boleh sembuhkan penyakit Type I diabetes tak, bang?".

To which he asked back, "Type I tu apa?"