Tuesday, 20 November 2007


Ever the ingenious creature, Man has always sought out creative solutions to the daily problems that his fellow humans face. For example, fire was discovered when the fish just didn't taste that good eaten raw anymore. Wheels were invented when walking started to get tiresome. And of course, the mother of all inventions - the television - was created to pass the time until the next big thing happens.

Out of all these charming ideas, one has always confused me - matchmaking sites.

"Why don't you go on and register an account to see for yourself what's it all about?" suggested an acquaintance on mine when I asked him the question. It was one of those rare days when I was still reeling over from last night's reading, and my head was not in it's accustomed place. So I said "Why not?"

This friend of mine suggested a site which he knows of (by what means I have no idea). "Quite popular with the singles of our own ASEAN neighbours. Who knows, you might snare yourself a lovely Filipino island girl!" he quipped with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Err...Let's put away any far-fetched ideas for the time being, shall we?" was my pathetic reply.

I then proceeded to give my email account for the registration process. "Browse millions of singles and meet the love of your life!" the advert next to it joyously claimed. I was beginning to have doubts. Any printed material which claims to help you find the love of your life without having to lift your sorry bottom deserves to be looked upon with a raised eyebrow.

Anyway, the page refreshed soon enough and I was brought to the particulars page. I think it's called as such since the questions were so particular in nature. They ranged from "Describe yourself in your own words" to asking about my height, body type and whether or not I wanted to have children. "Goodness", I thought to myself. "Mum would most certainly disagree to inquisitions of this kind". But I trudged on ahead.

After that, I was asked to upload a photo. Not wanting to expose too much of myself, I kindly declined the offer and skipped on to the next step. "Tell your friends about (name censored due to professional reasons) and let them help you look for love!". Well, I most certainly did not want those friends to know about my involvement in this. I am being made fun of by them given as it is, and I certainly do not need them to laugh at me more than they already do. So I skipped that too.

And I was done! As expected, there was no real sense of accomplishment; just the kind of feeling one gets after having downed a half liter glass of water without taking a breath in between gulps, which is not that pleasant to begin with.

"So what now?" I asked my friend.

"Well....you wait".

"And then what?"

"Urm....you wait some more. Wait until someone is interested enough in you to leave a message or something like that".

"Well, how's that going to help me find 'the love of my life'?"

"I don't know. I suppose it just needs to be taken as an article of faith".

Well, I am happy to report that it's been two weeks into this little psychosocial experiment of mine and I have received only one hit.

I deleted my account yesterday.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Playing The Love Doctor

In the past 24 hours, two people - a gentleman and a lady - have personally confided in me about their recent break-ups. For someone who doesn't interact a lot with other living beings, that is big news. Now, I don't know what the 'divorce rate' is actually like out there in the real world, but in my humble little universe, two cases in a day sounds like an awfully big number.

"She was two-timing...No, wait. Scratch that. She was three-timing me behind my back", said the broken-hearted gentleman when I inquired the reason for his break-up. "He asked me to do things which I am ashamed to tell you about", said the distraught lady. "Don't worry. There are lots of better people out there. You just have to wait for the right one", said clueless me.

Both of them seemed genuinely sad that their respective relationships were over and I suppose they had every right to feel that way. I mean who wouldn't feel glum after seeing what they have worked on for two or three years come crashing down to a rubble?

What makes it the more painful for them both is that they never saw it coming. "She was so decent in front of me - never wanted to go to the movies...never allowed me to hold her hand...never would let me send her back to college. And yet, she does all that with her 'gigolos'. What kind of a girl is that?" expressed angrily the gentlemen.

"I thought he was a nice guy who would lead me to the right path. But then one day, he said that he did not want me to wear the hijab after getting married" wept the lady.

Ah..people. Just when you think you know them, they go and do something totally unexpected.

To the mentioned friends: take heart in that at least you found out about their follies before being permanently tied to them. Take consolation in the fact that there are other, better people out there who are just waiting to be introduced to you.

One last departing word....why on earth did you both choose me to listen to your problems? I have no experience in this kind of thing whatsoever!