Break v. Break
Relationships are a bit like the Mafia, or even a Perodua Kancil: difficult to get in and even more awkward to get out. There is no good way to leave somebody, and there is certainly no good way to be left.
The most sobering piece of news is that most of us - if not all - behave rather poorly during break ups.You could say that break ups bring out the worst in us, and this is certainly true even more so when we are being left. When we are being left, we go through the recognisable stages of grief:
The Stages of Grief
1. Denial
2. Relief
3. Anger
4. Plans for revenge
5. Saying "No, I'm okay. Really. It's for the best".
6. Late night weeping and telephone calls
7. Pleading
8. Stalking
9. Acceptance
10. More anger
11. Acceptance again
It is always a good thing to seek emotional support from friends when you have been left. But break ups are like the first six weeks of pregnancy - do not tell people about it until you are reasonably sure that it will last. Most break ups unfold through a cycle of temporary reconciliations, and the patience of even the best of friends may wear down. Too often we squander our emotional capital seeking solace through these temporary break ups and by the time the final split happens, our friends are already sick to death hearing about it. Ideally, the bank balance of emotional support should be placed in a 32 day notice account.
Most of us are bad at breaking up with people. This is actually a good thing. Imagine what kind of a monster would be good at breaking up with people.
We are bad at breaking up with people because we are cowardly. We are also afraid of looking like a bad person. So, when initiating break ups, we end up saying and doing things we never intended, which not only causes the break up to become protracted and convoluted, but generally ends up making us look like a bad person.
Sad to say, the only sure fire way to guarantee a trouble-free break up is if you are not actually there when it happens. If you are, then you are sure to ad lib something that wasn't in the script. This should not happen. When breaking up, be sure to stick to the script.
postscript: This post was written in the light of the recent (read: around one month earlier) events revolving around a couple of my classmates. I am not connected to this entry in any way. At all.
post postscript: On a lighter - and more serious - note, I'm off to Cameron Highlands for a three day break. This should not be confused with the 'break' I've been talking about earlier on in the entry. Anyway, the excursion should be a good excuse to be snapping away like mad, and I'm sure Mynn would nod in silent agreement with me *smile*
12 comments:
Well, what a coincidence!
'Breaking up' seems to be the talk of the town these couple of days, huh? Just yesterday the DJs of a morning radio show discussed about people bailing out of a r/ship by texting their soon-to-be ex. Like you said, a trouble free break up when you are not actually in front of that person.
However, not everyone who experienced break ups suffer from grief, some are just thankful they're out of a r/ship and can get on with their lives freely without anybody controlling all their actions.
you broke up with the old template? why? why? why?
I'm driving up North first thing tomorrow morning. Wanna join me in Penang?
i think the latest malay hit "Kaer-izinkanku pergi" describes how sober and painful a break up may be. Sedihla bile dengar lagu tu. Reminds me of the past. There are just so many ways, yet so heartbreaking when it comes to the "this is my last goodbye" part, be it being the speaker, or listener itself. Just curious..does this post have anything to do with our previous conversation? As with your classmate? Hehe. Happy hols in Cameron eh. Tgkp gambar byk2 with your dear camera.
Heeeeheeee. No comment. =P
very interesting entry!
I pity those who have to go all those stages when in grief. :) :(
skipping the stages will bring back one to normal life faster. how?
Inner strength, spiritually and understanding the Greatness and Mercifulness of The One who will not leave His creations without something to hold. That is the difference between those who are subservient to God and those who are not.
There are differences between sigmund freud thoughts and the muslim psychological theories. My opinion is that all muslim doctors should to understand both to help the people more effectively.
pandangan dan pegangan saya saja.
Like Afie, I have no comment. Haha. Just that this is a very nicely put entry ;p
ooofphf... i was hit by how deep this entry is hiyoshi. you know what, i have been alone the past few days, oncall - and being alone has made me do something i've stopped for a while - thinking...
... and you know what, i have been thinking of writing such a similar post to your i was shocked to read your entry.
sometimes break ups happen for the best and when sometimes instead of cursing it had happened we should be grateful.
time really does heal all.
ps
"This post was written in the light of the recent events revolving around a couple of my classmates. I am not connected to this entry in any way. At all." <-- yeah right!
ps - time & other lovers
Yoshi,
You might want to consider taking up psychiatry as your specialist field. Your meticulous detail analysis on breaking up reflects a mind of a good psychiatrist in the making.
Adding humor to the subject matter is a good form of psychotherapy i.e. equating break ups with pregnancy or relationships with mafia or kancil.
I am already imagining you wearing a bow like some psychiatrists I know.
Dyanna
Really? I should listen more to the radio then. DJs do have pearls of wisdom to share with the masses, it seems.
Puan Mama Sarah
Err...because it's time to move on?
Pycnogenol
That's okay. I'm perfectly happy to get away from the heat of the lowlands :P
sarahss
Hahah...you certainly know how to put one and one together, don't you? Unfortunately, this entry is about another pair of classmates - one half of which you can guess whom *wink*
afie
Somehow, I get the feeling that you're hiding something. Maybe it's just me.
ikelah
Yes, pity the poor soul who has to go through every single step of grief.
I suppose it's the concept of redha that helps a good Muslim in his speedy recovery after having his heart broken. Bearing in mind that everything happens for a purpose, we'll always see the good side of a distasteful event.
iFos
Thank you for the compliment. I suppose I can write maturely - if I put in some effort hahaha.
Mynn
Haha. And what makes you think that I've anything to do with this entry, other than being the writer?
For goodness sake Mynn, vain as I am, there are times when I just have to write about people other than myself.
LOL to the second postscript :D
DITH
I never thought you would analyse my entry to that level. Maybe I should be a bit careful from now onwards on what I pen in my blog - just in case I accidentally let loose some embarrassing personal detail. Not that it hasn't happened in the past, but still...
And which bow tie-wearing psychiatrist are you refering to?
hiyoshi
oh, the detail you go through the account make me suspicious that (a) either you were directly involved, or (b) you have been stalking the couple :D
dith does tend to analyse the minutiae of our postings doesn't she - it makes me scared to press enter sometimes <-- not joking! (hence, the multitude of edits)
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